20 Faces of a
1. THE PATHOLOGICAL
LIAR is skillfully deceptive and very convincing. Avoids accountability by
diverting topics, dodging questions, and making up new lies, bluffs or threats
when questioned. His memory is self serving as he denies past statements.
Constant chaos and diverting from reality is their chosen environment.
Defense Strategy: Verify his words. Do not reveal
anything about yourself - he'll use it against you. Head for the door when
things don't add up. Don't ask him questions - you'll only be inviting more
2. THE CONTRACT BREAKER agrees to anything then
turns around and does the opposite. Marriage, Legal, Custody agreements,
normal social/personal protocol are meaningless. This con artist will accuse
you of being the contract breaker. Enjoys orchestrating legal action and
playing the role of the 'poor me' victim.
Defense Strategy: Expect him to disregard any
agreement. Have Plan B in place. Protect yourself financially and emotionally.
3. THE HIGH ROLLER Successfully plows and backstabs
his way to the top. His family a disposable prop in his success facade. Is
charismatic, eloquent and intelligent in his field, but often fakes abilities
and credentials. Needs to have iron-fisted control, relying on his manipulation
skills. Will ruthlessly support, exploit or target others in pursuit of his
ever-changing agenda. Mercilessly abuses the power of his position. Uses
treachery or terrorism to rule or govern. Potential problem or failure situations
are delegated to others. A vindictive bully in the office with no social
or personal conscience. Often suspicious and paranoid. Others may support
him to further their own Mephistophelian objectives, but this wheeler-dealer
leaves them holding the bag. Disappears quickly when consequences loom.
Defense Strategy: Keep your references and resume
up to date. Don't get involved in anything illegal. Document thoroughly to
protect yourself. Thwarting them may backlash with a cascade of retaliation.
Be on the lookout and spot them running for office and vote them out. Educate
yourself about corporate bullies
4. THE SEXUAL NARCISSIST is often hypersexual
(male or female). Pornography, masturbation, incest are reported by his targets.
Anything, anyone, young, old, male/female, are there for his gratification.
This predator takes what is available. Can have a preference for 'sado-maso'
sexuality. Often easily bored, he demands increasingly deviant stimulation.
However, another behaviour exists, the one who withholds sex or emotional
Defense Strategy: Expect this type to try to
degrade you. Get away from him. Expect him to tell lies about your sexuality
to evade exposure of his own.
5. THE BLAME-GAME NARCISSIST never accepts
responsibility. Blames others for his failures and circumstances. A master
Defense Strategy: Learn about projection. Don't
take the bait when he blames you. He made the mess let him clean it up.
6. THE VIOLENT NARCISSIST is a wife-Beater,
Murderer, Serial Killer, Stalker, Terrorist. Has a 'chip-on-his-shoulder'
attitude. He lashes out and destroys or uses others (particularly women and
children) as scapegoats for his aggression or revenge. He has poor impulse
control. Fearless and guiltless, he shows bad judgement. He anticipates betrayal,
humiliation or punishment, imagines rejection and will reject first to 'get
it over with'. He will harass and push to make you pay attention to him and
get a reaction. He will try to make you look out of control. Can become dangerous
and unpredictable. Has no remorse or regard for the rights of others.
Defense Strategy: Don't antagonize or tip your
hand you're leaving. Ask for help from the police and shelters.
7. THE CONTROLLER/MANIPULATOR pits people against
each other. Keeps his allies and targets separated. Is verbally skillful
at twisting words and actions. Is charismatic and usually gets his way. Often
undermines our support network and discourages us from seeing our family
and friends. Money is often his objective. Other people's money is even better.
He is ruthless, demanding and cruel. This control-freak bully wants you pregnant,
isolated and financially dependent on him. Appears pitiful, confused and
in need of help. We rush in to help him with our finances, assets, and talents.
We may be used as his proxy interacting with others on his behalf as he sets
us up to take the fall or enjoys the performance he is directing.
Defense Strategy: Know the 'nature of the beast'.
Facing his failure and consequences will be his best lesson. Be suspicious
of his motives, and avoid involvement. Don't bail him out.
8. THE SUBSTANCE ABUSER Alcohol, drugs, you
name it, this N does it. We see his over-indulgence in food, exercise or
sex and his need for instant gratification. Will want you to do likewise.
Defense Strategy: Don't sink to his level. Say
9. OUR "SOUL MATE" is cunning and knows who
to select and who to avoid. He will come on strong, sweep us off our feet.
He seems to have the same values, interests, goals, philosophies, tastes,
habits. He admires our intellect, ambition, honesty and sincerity. He wants
to marry us quickly. He fakes integrity, appears helpful, comforting, generous
in his 'idealization' of us phase. It never lasts. Eventually Jekyll turns
into Hyde. His discarded victims suffer emotional and financial devastation.
He will very much enjoy the double-dipping attention he gets by cheating.
We end the relationship and salvage what we can, or we are discarded quickly
as he attaches to a "new perfect soul mate". He is an opportunistic parasite.
Our "Knight in Shining Armor" has become our nightmare. Our healing is lengthy.
Defense Strategy: Seek therapy. Learn about
this disorder. Know the red flags of their behaviour, and "If he seems too
good to be true..." Hide the hurt you feel. Never let him see it. Be watchful
for the internet predator.
10. THE QUIET NARCISSIST is socially withdrawn,
often dirty, unkempt. Odd thinking is observed. Used as a disguise to appear
pitiful to obtain whatever he
Breaking up with a histrionic narcissist? Be prepared for the battle
of your life! While you are an emotional basketcase, he is as Cold as Ice!
While you are left holding down the fort and dealing with the real-life
responsibilities, he walks away from everything leaving you to mop off
his stage and pay his bills. He will punish you in ways you couldn't possibly
have ever imagined...
even acknowledge it to himself! Why? Because he's off charming the socks
off of new women as if your years together didn't even
ex continually acts in abusive, bewildering and confusing ways. He is
not above committing destructive acts. When the breakup becomes a reality,
it is likely that his 'false persona' will completely disappear all together
and you will most likely experience the most hurtful of behavior from him.
He is completely lacking in empathy, and - since he is not receiving any
admiration from you anymore - he will dismiss you and discard you as
worthless to him, consequently dropping any fake front that he use to put
up in order to keep you in the relationship. Click here to join us at our 'Breaking Up & Dealing With
a Narcissist' community brought to you by Tigress Luv
11. THE SADIST is now the fully-unmasked malignant
narcissist. His objective is watching us dangle as he inflicts emotional,
financial, physical and verbal cruelty. His enjoyment is all too obvious.
He'll be back for more. His pleasure is in getting away with taking other
people's assets. His target: women, children, the elderly, anyone vulnerabie.
Defense Strategy: Accept the Jekyll/Hyde reality.
Make a "No Contact' rule. Avoid him altogether. End any avenue of vulnerability.
Don't allow thoughts of his past 'good guy' image to lessen the reality of
12. THE RAGER flies off the handle for little
or no provocation. Has a severely disproportionate overreaction. Childish
tantrums. His rage can be intimidating. He wants control, attention and
compliance. In our hurt and confusion we struggle to make things right. Any
reaction is his payoff. He seeks both good or bad attention. Even our fear,
crying, yelling, screaming, name calling, hatred are his objectives. If he
can get attention by cruelty he will do so.
Defense Strategy: Manage your responses. Be
fully independent. Don't take the bait of his verbal abuse. Expect emotional
hurt. Volence is possible.
13. THE BRAINWASHER is very charismatic. He
is able to manipulate others to obtain status, control, compliance, money,
attention. Often found in religion and politics. He masterfully targets the
naive, vulnerable, uneducated or mentally weak.
Defense Strategy. Learn about brainwashing
techniques. Listen to your gut instinct. Avoid them.
14. THE RISK-TAKING THRILL-SEEKER never learns
from his past follies and bad judgment. Poor impulse control is a hallmark.
Defense Strategy: Don't get involved. Use your
own good judgement. Say No.
15. THE PARANOID NARCISSIST is suspicious of
everything usually for no reason. Terrified of exposure and may be dangerous
if threatened. Suddenly ends relationships if he anticipates exposure or
Defense Strategy: Give him no reason to be
suspicious of you. Let some things slide. Protect yourself if you anticipate
16. THE IMAGE MAKER will flaunt his 'toys',
his children, his wife, his credentials and accomplishments. Admiration,
attention, even glances from others, our envy or our fear are his objective.
He is never satisfied. We see his arrogance and haughty strut as he demands
center stage. He will alter his mask at will to appear pitiful, inept,
solicitous, concerned, or haughty and superior. Appears the the perfect father,
husband, friend - to those outside his home.
Defense Strategy: Ignore his childlike behaviours.
Know his payoff is getting attention, deceiving or abusing others. Provide
him with 'supply' to avert problems.
17. THE EMOTIONAL VACUUM is the cruellest blow
of all. We learn his lack of empathy. He has deceived us by his cunning ability
to mimic human emotions. We are left numbed by the realization. It is
incomprehensible and painful. We now remember times we saw his cold vacant
eyes and when he showed odd reactions. Those closest to him become objectified
Defense Strategy: Face the reality. They can
deceive trained professionals.
18. THE SAINTLY NARCISSIST proclaims high moral
standing. Accuses others of immorality. "Hang 'em high" he says about the
murderer on the 6:00 news. This hypocrite lies, cheats, schemes, corrupts,
abuses, deceives, controls, manipulates and torments while portraying himself
of high morals.
Defense Strategy: Learn the red flags of behaviour.
Be suspicious of people claiming high morals. Can be spotted at a church
19. THE CALLING-CARD NARCISSIST forewarns his
targets. Early in the relationship he may 'slip up' revealing his nature
saying "You need to protect yourself around me" or "Watch out, you never
know what I'm up to." We laugh along with him and misinterpret his words.
Years later, coping with the devastation left behind, his victims recall
the chilling warning.
Defense Strategy: Know the red flags and be
suspicious of the intentions of others.
20. THE PENITENT NARCISSIST says "I've behaved
horribly, I'll change, I love you, I'll go for therapy." Appears to 'come
clean' admitting past abuse and asking forgiveness. Claims we are at fault
and need to change too. The sincerity of his words and actions appear convincing.
We learn his words are verbal hooks. He knows our vulnerabilities and what
buttons to push. We question our judgement about his disorder. We can disregard
"Fool me once..." We hope for change and minimize past abuse. With a successful
retargeting attempt, this N will enjoy his second reign of terror even more
if we allow him back in our lives.
Defense Strategy: Expect this. Self-impose a
"No Contact" rule. Focus on the reality of his disorder. Journal past abusive
behavior to remind yourself. Join a support group
Enjoy life free of the Narcissist!!
The male gender is used. Your abuser may well
Join Tigress Luv's 'breaking up with a narcissist' online support group now, and get all her reports on the narcissistic-ex FREE!
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